Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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