ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
