There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
