i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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