Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
