guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
