Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think people are normalizing furries
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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