end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
