i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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