Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
