also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
