Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
