my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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