i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
