mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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