walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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