I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
