He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
