Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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