It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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