Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Mom said you looked used
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
