Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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