sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You are a genius and a whore.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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