I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
