So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
