Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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