I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
