I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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