Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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