the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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