I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
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