he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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