Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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