I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
