wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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