Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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