Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
