Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
