Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
