i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
