Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
