There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
