I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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