his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
