He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
