I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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