omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
