Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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