Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
People in love make me want to vomit
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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