If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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