O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
