Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My cat gives me a boner
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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