I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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