I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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