So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
