i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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