I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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