Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
