Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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