Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
