Will you blow on my dice?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
