How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
