Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
either way he was missing a nipple.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
