u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
