i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
