Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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