dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
