Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
